Warning: Introspective alert ahead!
I don’t like the word truth.
Why? Because it sounds like there’s only one.
Sometimes we use the word true to refer to fact. Like humans needing oxygen to stay alive—that’s true. (And yes, fighting over what is a ‘fact’ is a debate for another day.)
But we also use the word ‘true’ to mean what is ‘true for me.’
Yes, that dress makes you look fat.
You are a jerk.
That dress may not make him look fat to someone else.
And that jerk may be the sweetest mother alive.
So this subjective truth I prefer to term honesty, where it’s implied that the person’s point of view automatically skews what’s being said. This is crucial for me, because speaking honestly doesn’t mean you’re right, but it does mean you’re being sincere.
A quality that I’m finding in short supply in this Internetty world.
Everyone is trying say what they think other people want to hear. They limit their honesty in favour of looking good. Clever. Funny. Important. Perfect.
Fuck that. I’m so sick of all that.
The world isn’t all shiny and not one person hold all truth.
So why am I going on and on about this?
Because this blog of mine has been languishing. I’ve started and stopped multiple times trying to find the right thing to write. The best topics to build the big audience. Because, surprise surprise, I’d love to find an audience for my stories. It would be wonderful to know that the words I write have an impact for people other than me.
It’s why I write. Not for an artistic ideal (though the people who do have my respect), and not for money in the bank (though having that would mean I could write more). But I write because I have things I need to say. And I say them because I want to connect with people open to hearing them.
After a year of personal and emotional setbacks, I’ve come to an inevitable conclusion about myself.
I need to be honest.
Now I’m not some kind of paragon of virtue by any stretch of the imagination. I’ve always identified far more with those people and characters who are clearly, deeply flawed. But one thing I have learned is that if I can’t be honest, it weighs on my mind and itches under my skin. I can’t let it go. And I haven’t known how to be honest with this blog.
This isn’t about airing all my dirty laundry—though there is an honesty in that. But those aren’t things I feel free to share, because they involve other people’s honesty, not just mine.
What this is about, is using the time and energy I have to let out who I am in the only way I know how. Not just write some trite, snappy articles, or rehash words of wisdom long worn out.
There is an opportunity in this age, one that never existed before, to expose who I am and what I think and maybe, just maybe, connect with others who are interested in what I have to say. Find people who are saying interesting things I want to hear. And who might turn the thoughts that are me into a wider conversation that becomes us.
This my voice. I will be funny, strange, judgmental, thoughtful, selfish, informative … and will occasionally smash the world. Honest.